Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
