Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
