just come out here and I will go home with you...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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