You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize