Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
