My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
