I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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