I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
