I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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