just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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