Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
