If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
