Your face is a jimmy john
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
