I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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