paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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