You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
