Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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