Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
