he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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