I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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