I want to have your abortion
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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