I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
