Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
last night I used snow as a chaser
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