i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
