Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
