Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Boobs speak an international language.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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