So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
