i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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