I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
