I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
