Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
