Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
