While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
