So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
