Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
