He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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