she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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