Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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