There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
