Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
