Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
