I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
