3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you would pick up someone in the library
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
