I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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