Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
