Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
