Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
