If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
