i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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