I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
