My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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