Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
