I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
