I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize