I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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