He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
