y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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