she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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