so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
