Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
