I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
