Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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