yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Got a toothbrush?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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