but the lizard people decide everything anyway
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
