You're my little dorito
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
