You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize