she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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